yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
