someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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