How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
