I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
