btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
