Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
