So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
