So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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