Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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