I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize