I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
