i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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