worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
