My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
