"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
