life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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