I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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