Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
