You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
