I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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