Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
