Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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