Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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