I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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