My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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