then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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