Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
