I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
