so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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