Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
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