it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
