oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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