i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
