look no pants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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