I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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