Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
