Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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