Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
