dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
