Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
