fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
