I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
