What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
