we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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