I'm sorry my penis didn't work
4 words: hood of his car
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
