I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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