I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
