so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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