Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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