my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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