I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
