He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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