I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize