I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
