You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
