i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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