dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
