i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
