there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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