This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
